2009. English version

- I saw in the New Year and went to bed. My father woke me up at 9
and we set off - together with the other countrymen - to the funeral of
one Nokhchi, who had died at sunrise… the road one way was 200
kilometers. But you, probably, won’t believe….
- I like such women… those who already understand everything
before you even thought about it.
- Ann, let’s go away…
- Where?
- That’s the last thing to think about…first, we’ll go away, start a new
life.
- I will settle only for New York.
- New York is far. Starting a new life means staying there forever. But
I would like to come back to the land of my anscestors, at least to be
buried …
- When I was going across the Kuban River bridge, I remembered you.
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- Are you indifferent to me?
- I’m far fron being indifferent to you…but sometimes you’re so cold
with me… and I don’t want to suffer, it’s not my scene)
- After all, I’m really too much, probably.
- I know that it’s not right, but sometimes I find myself in such despair
that I’m ready to write to you. It’s just one of such moments now.
- Annet, may I ask you to do something? It won’t be too much of a
burden for you. If you’re ok with doing it…17.02.09. 16:01 Ok, if you
do it - you do it, if no, then no. When you finish the novel, send its
electronic version to me. I’ll read it gladly. Anyway - thanks. 17:34
- Sorry, yesterday I drank too much and called you. Accidentally.
30.04. 18:18
- Nevermind, things happen. You called, so what? I haven’t started
thinking worse of you. As for your drinking, it’s not good. When will I
finally get a copy of your novel? 30.04. 18:21
- Everything is not as it should be. 1.05 01:02
- And how should it be? 01.05. 01:03
- Like before. ?… А уходить, не спросив, нету сил, давай
попробуем заново все собрать…?*
*( “…But I’m too weak to say goodbye without asking for another try,
let’s try to put it all together again…” - lyrics from a song by Bumboks
- a Ukranian rock band)
- Try to…01:06 The door is ajar.. 01:08
- I wrote to one girl today: sometimes I want you. She answered: I
won’t settle for “sometimes”, I’m not a doll. But I can’t want her all
the time, can I? Besides she’s far from being Monica Bellucci…18:17
- Sorry about that. As for me, I sometimes want mulled wine. And
today I’ll have it in my mouth.
- What are you doing?02.05 00:56
- Sitting with my friend “the poetess” in a local cafe…
- Write it as it is: drinking.
- Occasionally.
- The famous friend “the poetess”. I think, “occasionally” doesn’t
sound plausible. It would be more accurate to say “systematically”…
02.05. 00:58
- So, what can I say in reply to your yesterday’s revelations? Did you
have it like that with Dosh too? 07.05. 15:12
- Not exactly. I’d rather write it in a letter. I’ll send it to you on the net
towards the evening. Right now I can’t get up from bed.
- Oh, yes, it was only yesterday that she was having fun, and now she
can’t get up. Ann, stop drinking and all your problems will dissappear.
15:50 “I’ll send it to you on the net towards the evening” You
promised to send me something…08.05. 19:44 Are you at least alive?
22:09
- I am. I’m watching “Modigliani”. To be more precise, going through
some moments again…Nothing compares to the look an artist gives his
creation.
- And I’m watching “Seventeen Moments of Spring”. There are a lot of
interesting things. 22:33
- What’s really interesting is Vodka with Martini.
- Are you watching the parade? Mind you, all the marching men are of
the same height. 09.05. 10:10 You’re, probably, still sleeping…10:28 I
like the dialogues in the “Moments” a lot, especially those between
Stierlitz and M;ller. 12:34
- And do they celebrate 9 May in Chechnya? 14:57
- Of course, they do. Akhmad-Khadji was killed during the Victory
Day parade, mind you. 21:29
- Ann, why are you staying up the second night in a row? 11.05 15:00
- I’m searching for the meaning of life.
- So? Have you found the answer? 20:19
- The answer is the same - creating.
- I feel so sad for some reason…22:20
- Why? Given that such a great event is going to happen to you this
year! Remember, you were reading me the horoscope before the New
Year…
- Well, there is a reason why…23:43
- Is it because of love?
- No, a family thing, a “near-family” thing, to be more precise. I’ve got
disappointed in my relatives…12.05 00:17
- Things happen. And I have so many projects, so many ideas…
- Which exactly? P.S.: I came to want to go to Italy, to Milan…01: 03
Or to Sverige.. 01:05
- What is it?
- Ask Khasan about this “location”. 01:07
- I can’t now. He’s not in MSN.
- It is Sweden in English, Sverige in Swedish.
- Now I see.
I would like to visit it very much…and where would you go for your
vacation?
- Not to Novoross, for sure..) 01:14
- Right, there’s nothing to do here))
- It was a joke. But seriously, I have no fixed plans. Maybe, I’ll have to
go to Krasnodar soon. How many kilometers is it from there to you?
01:19
- It’s 2 hours by car. 2,5 at the most.
- Oh, then maybe I’ll drop in on you..) 01:22
- It’s not about the distance and you know it perfectly well.
- I’m watching “The lessons of French”. Do you remember, we read
this story at school? By the way, there’s a girl named Katya in the film.
She is a bit like you..)) 12.05 22:43
- Didn’t hear your calls - I’ve just finished taking a bath.
- … All wet, probably..23:28
- Yes, kind of. The series “Yesenin” is just gorgeous.
- It has ended. On this website they rate films: “shit” (bad), “not so
fucking bad” (good) and “fucking great”. So, this film is fucking great,
so kind and positive.
By the way, this teacher (Lidiya Mikhailovna in the film), who helps
the boy with his studies, her family name is Vasilyeva. And she’s also
from Kuban region, just like you.. An interesting coincidence. 12.05.
23:55
- No matter how much they criticize “Yesenin”, the series is good…
It’s not for nothing that Esenin has always been my idol. What a great
many of outstanding people of his time he knew! Great times, great
literature… I’d like to live a life as bright and interesting as his … And
what would you like?
- What would I like? I don’t like talking about it. God willing, I’ll have
it. 14.05 23:55
- I’m watching La mala educaci;n. I adore Almodovar. I would like to
have my own film shown at a festival one day… For example, at
Festival de Cannes. And to walk along the red carpet... And have my
film win a nomination. Because it deserved it. That's what I call
happiness. 15.05. 13:12
- I thought you dreamt of children…15.05 13:15
- I’m not ready for that so far. Besides, the daily grind…I’ve always
hated it, you know. And what is it that you don’t like?
- When they consider a person their property. When they don’t take
into account the fact that he can have his personal time, personal
affairs, personal space, after all. 21:53 And anyway, I think I should
share my thoughts with paper, not with people I barely know. It seems
to me, I speak too much. 22:15
- I’m glad to listen to you more than to anyone else. And I will always
be, whatever happens.
- The trip to Krasnodar is definitely off. At least, for now. I have
another trial appointed for the 27th in Kamensk. I asked the judge to put
it off, but he refused. Plus the director said that the trial in Kamensk
was more important for us. That is how Krasnodar got cancelled.
20.05. 18:38
- And who would you single out?
- Well, there was one girl - one of the brightest recollections. I
remember us sitting in a public taxi bus, writing each other about our
fantasies. 21.05. 00:37
- I hope, it wasn’t after we’d met?
- No, it was in 2007, at the end of it. She was very active, it turned me
on. She really stroke a chord, so to say. She called some time ago, but I
didn’t pick up. 00:45
- I have just rewatched Ca;tica Ana by Julio Medem - it has always
reminded me of that time, when… about that winter, in brief. I didn’t
know what to do with myself. I couldn’t dull my wistfulness with
writing poetry or drinking, and the latter made it even worse. I can’t
dull it any better even now, when I think about how little sense there is
in it all.
- But still, there is some.
- Ras, forgive me. I’m ruining my life and yours too.
- I have nothing to forgive you for. Stop it. Everything’s ok…it must
be a trial. Probably. HE knows…08.06.09. 01:27
- Watched a mind-blowing film today - “His wife’s diary” - about
Bunin - and understood, or rather realised once again, that my desire to
live with you is a bad idea - I’m from a different world. I don’t even
know what it is that attracts me to you so much…probably a
combination of strong feelings and at the same time this feeling of
harmony with the world, so rare for people like me. 18.07.09
- “But sometimes the desire to be yours is so overwhelming, that I
don’t give a damn about all the arguments against.. I wish you could
hear how my heart is pounding at such moments… you will hear”.
-Inspiration is bought at the high price of suffering (then again, more
often made up, but not less painful for it), self-abasement and inner
conflicts. When you have to make a choice. 28.07 23:39
- I’ve finally found a way to express this feeling (the one you evoke). -
It’s like getting under a warm blanket after wandering through the
streets in light clothing at the break of dawn and getting chilled to the
bone. 05.09.09